work has been on my mind a lot lately, maybe b/c there's been a lot of changes regarding it over the past month or so. my project at ms ended and i had some bench time... time where i wasn't on a project, but was kind of "on call" until i was assigned a new one. i realize many of my friends and family don't really understand my line of work b/c it's constantly changing, there's always uncertainty, there's sometimes a lot of flexibility and well it's just hard to comprehend. but i was reminded a few weeks ago when i was talking to a friend about how and why i ended up in the job i'm in.
when i finished college, i was a young believer and i was blessed to have multiple job offers due to the booming economy. one offer was at the company i did my internship during my last year of college, another was at a large and stable company and i also had a couple of offers from 2 of the big "five" consulting companies. i remember talking through my options with many of my family and friends, but my final decision came down to which job would lead me to grow more in my faith, and that made my choice easy! b/c to me that would be the job that would make me have to depend on Him more often and more fully, and that's how i entered the consulting world.
since then i've often struggled with this decision to work in the corporate world, to constantly be put in situations where i didn't have the specialized knowledge but was expected to learn it fast, to have to live up to expectations of being the "expert" or being the "rock star", to be constantly starting over in building relationships and proving myself in the work place and last but not least, having to deal with the uncertainty of what and where my next project would be. at times i get worn down and i've taken breaks to try and search for a new path or a new direction, but nothing has opened which i take as i'm where i'm supposed to be. so i continue to try to live out my faith in the workplace, where ever i'm placed, for whatever amount of time i end up being there. there's been good and there's been not so good experiences on my projects, but in general i really do enjoy my job and love that it challenges me to trust in God and to do my best for Him regardless of the situation.
and now, i've started on my most challenging project yet. it's only been 2 weeks since i started, but honestly there have been many times in the past 2 weeks where i just feel like "what the heck am i doing here?! i need to just get off of this project!". it's not b/c the project is "bad"...meaning bad hours or bad people...but b/c i just feel so dumb and so useless!!! and i hate feeling that way! basically EVERYTHING is new to me and i need to learn it all! i know that one of my skills is the ability to learn quickly, but this is ridiculous at how many new things there are....it's very overwhelming! i barely know how to ask the right questions without sounding totally dumb. in fact, i almost broke down and cried at work this week when i talked to my manager about whether or not it made sense for me to stay on this project. he, of course, reassured me that he believed i could do it but gave me the choice if i really did want "off" of the project.
anyways, long story short i decided to stick it out and realized that i need to rely on God even more so in this situation and that lead me to read ecclesiastes. i forgot how all-over-the-place this book is, but it also is a book i turn to when things at work or life are getting crazy. i guess i just like how it helps me to put things in perspective....work, life, play, death...there's a whole lot in this book but basically what i take from it is that life happens and we need to just do our best to live for God and to enjoy the blessings He gives and not take them for granted. a good and timely reminder for me!
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